The Candies of Doom
by Tiana Calthye
Summary: When the Doomed Candies accidently made their way into Middle-earth, into LotR, people from the 3 other main fandoms were sent to retrieve them-- people from Star Wars, PotC, and the Matrix. But then something went wrong... Middle-earth was doomed! AU.


In the Matrix, there was known to the agents to be the doomed candies, but they only knew this by chance. And, as chance had it, these Candies of Doom somehow made it to the land called Middle-earth. Middle-earth, the land of elves, men, orcs, dwarves, hobbits... the land of the One Ring. 

In Middle-earth, these candies disappeared from the eyes of the Matrix, the Matrix watching them for who knows what reason... that reason being foresight. For not even the agents knew the truth behind the candies... why they were made. Not even the rebels knew, but what was known was that their being in Middle-earth was effecting all worlds as the plot began to fall apart. 

In a last hope to regain the former... ummm... war... people from the three other major worlds were sent forth in the quest to regain the Candies of Doom before Middle-earth fell to pieces. For the Matrix, Agent Smith, Neo, and Trinity set forth separately in the seeming hopeless quest. For the galaxy far, far away, Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han Solo, and Darth Vader set out. And, for the world of Pirates, Will Turner, and Jack Sparrow set out. 

By some mere twist of fate, all of these were separated by the shadow between worlds, and they all ended up in many places on Middle-earth. And also, by some favoring of the galaxy, Middle-earth remained unknowing of these Candies of Doom. At least, that is, they remained unknowing until the Candies were found... 

The Ring-wraiths left Mordor, and began to cause hardship in the quest to regain the Candies of Doom-- at the same time, the Fellowship of the Ring set forth, and trouble began to reign, as the plot was disrupted. With the ruin of the plot, much fell into disaster-- and all in the matter of days... the ring was lost once more... technology somehow sprouted on Middle-earth... and some things that should not've been forgotten were lost. 

For without the plot, all would soon begin to fade... 

**The Candies of Doom**

_As translated from the Green Book of Middle-earth_

Disclaimer: We own nothing... not LotR, PotC, the Matrix, or Star Wars. Any characters that appear that are not of my own imagination will be disclaimed if they don't fall into these categories already! If Tiana Elass appears, I'll have you know that she's mine, as well as her... ummm... sister... Lania Cellenoth. Actually, Lania is my sister's, but that's not the point, she let's me use her! This disclaimer isn't mine either!!!

_A/N: If this Story seems familiar to some, that is probably because it is. This is the rewrite of the old Candies of Doom, from the old script format. It's now slightly different, and no longer a script. Hope you like it, Warious!!! :D_

_This story is AU._

Chapter One 

In a hole in the ground, there was an Agent. And this agent's name was Agent Smith, and he was in the hole because of the orcs that just happened to be after him. Because of the ruined plot, the old Matrix powers that he and Neo had had no longer worked, and they were left helpless in Middle-earth. It was a struggle to survive, let alone locate the Doomed Candies that had left the safety of the Matrix. 

Agent Smith shivered. Middle-earth was nothing like the Matrix-- he could feel emotions here, and that almost bothered him. The mere fact that his old skills were gone, and he had no way to recontact the Matrix bothered him twice as much. 

The stomping of the orc's feet on the ground grew more distant, and he stood up as they faded away into the distance. _They're headed to the base on Weathertop_, he noted, looking at the direction the footprints went. A roar of a distant river distracted him from that thought, and Smith turned to head east. East towards Bruinen, and Rivendell, the home of the elves. 

_Middle-earth has to know of these new dangers_, he thought, as he picked his way through the scattered underbrush. _I do not care anymore, what happens to Mr. Anderson and that girlfriend of his, this realm is in as much danger as ours is from the failing plot now_. 

His footprints made marks in the ground as he headed towards the river that guarded a town he knew was there. That town had became Agent Smith's main hope over the last few days, as the fading plot became more obvious. _No orcs should be near Weathertop!_ He had barely escaped with his life, that time. Now he was on the run for his life, and feeling very much like Neo had in the Matrix. "If I didn't know better," he said wryly to himself, "I'd swear I was becoming human." 

_Hiss..._Was that the wind in the smaller trees nearby him? 

Agent Smith didn't think so, as he turned quickly. 

_Hiss..._There it was again. He would've drawn his gun, had he been in the Matrix, but he had let that go many days ago-- it was just another burden to carry on the trip to Rivendell. 

"Is that you, Neo?" he asked, a bare hope that it was. Not that Neo was his best friend, but those that he had ran into on Middle-earth made the One look like a friend. But that was it, a hope. 

A dark shape was in the bushes, and, as Smith realized what it was, he turned to run a moment too late. Or a moment too early, as a dagger came flying through the bushes, and crashing into a tree behind him. Turning to run brought him face to face with the tree, and then face to the earth, as he slipped_. Nazgûl! _he thought frantically, as he fumbled for anything to use as a weapon._ Curse these ruined plots!!_

The only thing that came to hand was a small golden ring, and he did not put that on. 

_The river!_

_Can you even swim out of the Matrix?_

_Only one way to find out..._ Agent Smith dove into the brush, and towards the river Bruinen-- it was there, fairly nearby. Behind him, the Nazgûl screamed, it's toneless voice cutting through the trees, and piercing his mind. "Agg!" Agent Smith bit one lip, and let that pain keep him from losing focus on making the river. 

_It's right... there... got it!_

One jump forwards, and he was in the water, and sinking down like a stone. 

_Can't... swim, _he thought frantically as he sunk towards the bottom. 

On the shore, a black robed Nazgûl stood, and watched as the Agent sunk towards the bottom of the river. The plot had not been changed enough for them not to fear water, nor was there any sign of a way to cross. Nevertheless, his job was done, for the time. Nay, the Agent would survive, however, the Candies were not yet taken. 

Across Middle-earth, other happenings like to this went along as well, but for now, the Wraith only had his mind on the Agent. The Ring has been found... 

Now they had two objectives: The Candies of Doom, and the One Ring. 

The Ring was found. 

In the river, Agent Smith found himself wondering exactly how long it would take an agent to drown. 

* * *

"Get down!"

"No, you get down! Look!" 

"I see it! Now get down, Pippin!" Merry reached over, and pushed his friend down. They both crouched in a thick tangle of bushes in the Shire, near the Green Dragon. Pippin glared slightly, and adjusted his position to look closer. 

"Who do you suppose that is, Merry?" he asked, his voice a near whisper. 

"Isn't that why we're here, Pip?" 

"Oh yeah." 

Across the road from the thick tangle of bushes a tall, black robed figure stood, breathing quite loudly in the empty area. Most of the Hobbits had disappeared out of fear of this newcomer-- Merry and Pippin were, as usual, curious, and watching. Not that they weren't afraid themselves, but they were just too curious for their own goods. 

"So, why do you think he's here?" 

"Pippin!" 

"Sorry." Pippin shut up, and moved closer in to watch. Merry stayed in the safety of the bush, and continued to watch as well, but from further away. The black figure was obviously searching for something, or someone. 

This figure, of course, as you may've guessed, was Lord Vader, right hand to the Emperor, Sith Lord, and evil seeker of the Doomed Candies. Merry and Pippin, however, did not know this, which is why they were watching. Had they watched Star Wars, they probably wouldn't've been watching, and been leaving very fast, but the Shire did not have movies! 

"Merry?" asked Pippin after a time. 

"What?" asked Merry, exasperated. 

"I'm hungry." 

Merry sighed, and didn't comment. At least, he didn't comment until Pippin begin to stand up, and walk out of the relative safety of the (out of season) blackberry bush tangle. 

"Pippin, what are you doing?" he hissed. 

"I'm going to the Dragon, Merry!" 

"What?! It's too dangerous!" 

"How do you know?" 

Merry sighed again, and stood up. "Then I'm coming with you, Pip." 

"I thought so." 

The two hobbits walked out of the bush with relative ease, considering that they were in a tangle of blackberry bushes, which usually weren't exactly easy to walk out of. Pippin walked right into Darth Vader, a foolish thing to do. 

"You will stop now," commanded Darth Vader, breathing loudly. "And now, young ones, you will tell me where I am!" 

Pippin stared up at the tall, black-robed Lord of the Sith. "Why?" 

Merry shook Pippin hard. "Pippin! I told you this was a bad idea!" 

"But I was HUNGRY!!!!" 

The Lord Vader shook his head. If only he had the Force at his side... 

"I don't care, Pip!" 

"Meeeerrrryyyy, I'm huuuuuunnnnngry!" Pippin whined. 

Once more Darth Vader shook his head. This young Hobbit was as whiny as his son. In fact, if he didn't know better... 

_Koh-pah, koh-pah_ (that's Darth Vader breathing, for the uninformed). "I asked you a question," he demanded. 

"You're in the Shire, near the Green Dragon," answered Merry quickly, pulling at Pippin. "C'mon!" 

"The Shire..." Darth Vader contemplated this for a while, as Pippin argued with Merry. "Have you seen any Warheads?" 

"Food?" asked Pippin hopefully. 

"Doomed Candies," Vader replied. 

"Nope! Merry, I'm still hungry, quit dragging me away!!!" 

Merry sighed. "I have a bad feeling about this." 

* * *

Through Lothlòrien, two people walked rather loudly. Well, at least, they were trying to be quiet, but not one of them was succeeding, being as one was slightly drunk, and the other annoyed.

In Lothlòrien, there were sharp-eared elves, and those elves were already keeping their eyes out on those two people, because those two people weren't known to the Lothlòrien elves. Of course, those people also didn't know they were being watching as they made their way through the forest. 

Chance companions, Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain Han Solo were-- both having the same basic goals, and the same location that they were at. The had been similar enough that they had been able to survive each other's companionship-- to a degree. However, Sparrow's drunkenness did annoy Han Solo a bit, thus being why they were plunging through the trees rather loudly. 

Their noise masked the noise of several elves following just off the slight path-- the elves who were waiting for-- as it would be-- the opportune moment to ambush them. Strangers were not welcomed in Lothlòrien-- though, if the elves had known why these two were there, they might've been differently welcomed. 

The first comment made as they made there way through the woods was Han Solo, a simple question. "Did you hear something?" 

One had to give the smuggled credit-- not many people could've detected the slight noises the elves made while following them without the Force. The effects of the Force being nullified on Middle-earth, this was not an option, however. 

"What was that?" Jack Sparrow stumbled over to Han, his crashing of boots against the underbrush drowned out any possible other sounds Han might've heard. "You heard somethin'?" 

"Nah," answered Han, looking around almost slightly nervously. He let his hand drift to his blaster unconsciously, however, betraying his thoughts. "Just slightly jumpy, is all, being as I don't have a Wookiee by my side." 

"Aye," answered Jack. "Well, you risked it, comin' on this foolish quest to find some Doomed Warheads, an' all." 

"I'm only in it for the money," Han answered stiffly. He removed his hand from his blaster, and looked around curiously. "And I'd swear..." 

He didn't have time to finish that comment, as he plunged into darkness, thoughts leading only to one thing-- I have a bad feeling about this. 

The two elves who had knocked him and Jack unconscious stepped out of the trees-- those elves being Haldir and Orophin. 

"Doomed Candies, eh?" asked Orophin. 

Haldir looked down grimly at the unconscious smuggler. "We take them to see the Lady." 

Seemed the elven kind knew more about the truth behind the Doomed Candies than did Han and Jack. But for what reasons, and how, remained to be told. 

**  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!! Don't flame me, this is AU! **


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